The following is an actual conversation I had with one of Jake’s co-worker’s last week:
Maria: Hey Page, great to see you! Wow… you’re so small.
Me: (towering over her by a good 6 inches and nowhere near “small” in my 32nd week-o-preggoness) Uh… thanks?
Maria: No really… you look soooo much bigger on TV. It must just be the way they shoot you.
Me: (dumbfounded silence)
Maria: You really look HUGE on TV.
Me: (fighting back laughter and/or tears… not sure which will win out, but trying to make the best of the situation) Well, they say the camera adds 10 pounds.
Maria: Oh no… I’d say way more than that for you!
I wish I was kidding. But I’m not.
To be fair, though, coming from anyone else it would have been much more offensive. However, I know “Maria” (names have been changed to protect the identity of the not-so-innocent) well enough to know she keeps it real. She meant no harm by it, and hey… it’s better than her telling me I look great on TV but could be mistaken for the state of Alaska in real life, right?
But to make matters more confusing, later that very same week my Doctor had me make a special sonogram visit because I was “measuring small” and they wanted to “just check things out and make sure the baby was growing ok.” Allow me to pause here to remind you our family tree is weighed down by 3 tight ends, a linebacker, an offensive lineman, and a quarterback. Potential size had never, up to this point, been a source of worry for us.
I have since resumed breathing normally, but as I’m sure you can imagine, it was no fun hearing that when you’re lying on a table talking about Christmas cookie recipes one minute, then getting the frown and “hmmm….” from the Doc the next.
But don’t worry… it turns out everything is A-OK. More than A-OK, actually. The sonogram revealed that Baby Fling continues to grow like a little weed and is actually measuring about a week ahead of schedule (he just wasn’t making the outside of me as big proportionally because… well, probably because I myself am no peanut and there’s lots of room for him to take up in all 6 feet of me!). Unfortunately (for me), that doesn’t have anything to do with my delivering any earlier than my due date. And yes they’re sure… I asked at least 5 times.
So we’re still on track for the most exciting Valentine’s Day present imaginable! Let’s just hope NBC17’s wide angle lenses hold out until then…
